Saturday, July 30, 2011

Simplicity for Survival, Part II

To end a toxic relationship, you also need to remember that you cannot control the toxic waste that streams from their mouths.  If they were dysfunctional with you, then they will be as well without you.  Some people are also born for the fight.  They are not content unless they "have their say".  They may smile at your face and then talk freely about you behind your back, and this is okay.

What?  Yep, you read right; it is okay.   If it damages your reputation in anyway, then take direct action; however, if it is just with another person over coffee, then you know that is okay to ignore them.  Yes, it hurts.  Hurts bad, but when you attack back you open yourself to more heartbreak.  Remember, this person isn't your friend for a reason.  In a perfect, post therapy world, we should be able to say, "Excuse me, but I don't appreciate what you said."  In reality...well, it may not be met with the response you want.

You are not a bad person.  I am not a bad person, and their opinions of you shouldn't make you feel like you are.  Yet, what if you are the one trashing somebody over coffee?  Then stop.  Stop being that person.  Stop bullying.  Stop feeding your own insecurities.  We are all beautiful in our own ways, and the attempt to destroy others for your own self-gratification is only taking away from your peace of mind.  If you must vent, then vent to one trusted confidant, and make sure your opinions are balanced.  No need to drag others into a moment of muck.

So, just in case you are the one going through a detox or you are the one causing the detox, know that God knows the truth, and the truth is really in your heart on why it is happening.  Accept and move on and hopefully surprise visits in Walmart won't be that bad.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Simplicity for Survival

Something happened this week that made me want to use this forum to rant and give my side and yell and scream and vent and no.  No, I am not going to do it.  Why?  Because that is not what I want to carry with me every day.  I do not want to use my words to condemn a person or situation just based on my perceptions and so called intuition.  That is more simpleton than simplistic. 

Life can sometimes be unfair.  People can be unfair.  Add it all together, and it is enough to explode, but that is far from how I want to be.  Removing toxic relationships can be painful for both parties, especially when one can only be vindicated through hateful words and painful condemnation.  It hurts.  It does bother me, but if I respond then I am the one who creates the drama.  Not fair to either party because it doesn't promote healing.  Sometimes it is best to cut your losses and walk away without blaming the other person.

My new life contains a new fiance, new home, new job, and it isn't perfect.  The beauty of it requires sacrifice and faith in the unknown.  Be patient with me as I acclimate and remember life isn't perfect.  Just deal with your own and let me deal with mine.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Planning a Party

Sunday is our engagement party.  It began as a shower, but it is now a full scale party with both genders and many people RSVPing.  I really hope it turns out well.  We rented a cabin at a local lake, so we will have access to a grill and playground.  Considering how many people are needing to be fed, I am keeping things simple with hot dogs, sausages, chicken, potato salad, seven layer salad, cowboy baked beans, fresh fruit, and a cake that I hope is as pretty in person as it was on the order form.  

I am doing the decorating myself, and I am using the color scheme I had planned to use when I was organizing a church wedding.  Navy and hot pink it is.  I super glued 10 mason jar centerpieces Saturday, and I plan on filling them with wildflowers.  I want to keep things rustic and simple, but I still think small twinkle lights will  make it there some how.  

This party is becoming more and more important, and I think it is because I am no longer planning a church wedding with family and friends.  When the big day arrives, it will be just the two of us with our kids, so this is my only chance to include everybody.  Yeah, they were with me the first go around, but they have also been with me as the world turned upside down on me.  They were the ones who believed in me when nobody else did, and for that, I need a way to say thank you; the engagement party is one big thank you for their love and support.

This party is also a good bye.  I am in the process of moving, and I won't be in our area on a daily basis anymore.  I am already spending more time there than here.  Bittersweet, more sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet.