Happy New Year

They say what you are doing on New Year's Eve will be what you will do for the rest of the year.  Sounds good to me.  I was surrounded by friends and laughing.  I felt love, joy, and peace.  There was excellent food and conversation, and messages from the one who couldn't be there but has my heart.  Yes, I can handle that for the rest of the year.

Normally, I hate the new year.  It is my least favorite holiday.  From Halloween to Christmas, my life is filled with fun, planning, and anticipation, and then...blah.  Doesn't help my birthday is in January, so I have a reminder I am a year older.  From this bah-humbug approach to the new year I have formed my resolution.  No dieting since I have been working on that still from last year.  No, I don't smoke.  I am focusing instead of finding the good in January, February, March, and well, you get the idea.  I plan on prayerfully finding a purpose other than what I see on the surface. I am removing the obstructions that threaten my joy.  I am loved by somebody, and I sometimes doubt.  I do not doubt him, but I worry and doubt the fact we can actually have a future.  I doubt myself.  No guarantees in life, but I pessimistically rip apart the peace that should come with the joy of connecting with the twin flame. Sometimes I even doubt I will find happiness with somebody, and that isn't fair to me.  I read yesterday that misery is in the anticipation.  Basically I anticipate the worse and then I find my misery.  You know, we may one day break up. Don't want that, but bad things happen; however, I will look to finding hope in anticipation instead of despair.  I will hope for the best, plan for the best, and deal with the worse if it does occur.  I will trust myself.  I will believe I am worth it this New Year.

May you find peace within yourself this year.