Monday, November 8, 2010

Unless You Are Sookie...

You cannot read my mind. Nope, it is something you will never manage, and on the plus side, I will never read yours. Wow, that is wonderful. I really have no desire to know what you truly thought about this or that, no more than you should know about my obsession with Tom Brokaw. Ooops, I guess I let that one out of the bag, but doesn't it make sense. I guess if I want to you know about me and what I need, then I will have to let a few things out of the bag.

People everyday scream and shout to be heard, blogs, message boards, Facebook. They crave and desire attention not being found in the reality. Hey, I am not judging; thus, my own blogs, message boards, and Facebook. We all need to be heard, and we all need acceptance. Basic human instinct. My problem is how we get this attention. My feelings were hurt this week because my significant other didn't respond as I wanted. Was he being insensitive or inattentive? No, he just didn't see the significance of it in my own life. He lives three hours from me, and he wasn't there to see how depressed I really was. So, when he didn't call but rather texted a good night, my feelings were hurt, even though I knew he wasn't feeling well himself. I had a great pity party and pouted the rest of the night. Boy, that showed him. Why didn't I text that I needed more? Why didn't I tell him I was hurting? Why didn't I call? Because I assumed he knew and understood. My mistake. He knew I went to a cousin's funeral, and I was sad. He checked on me through the day via texts. He said he wished he could have been with me. He even texted my daughter with support, but he didn't know how much it affected me. He didn't see my tears. I didn't cry to him. He didn't know how much I loved my cousin because I didn't share it. I justified my actions by saying I didn't want to be a bother.
That, my friends, is poppycock. If I expect him to be a partner then I need to let him in completely. I don't need to be angry over imagines wrongs because even though I am worth the bother I shouldn't be arrogant enough to expect more than he can give. Nobody should just sense how I feel. I shouldn't assume how others should act and react to me. That isn't open communication; it is manipulation. It has potential to be toxic. If I choose to mention what I am wanting, and my needs are stil not being then I will need to examin the big picture.
The attitude adjustment needs to shine in all my relationships. To be honest, my tween doesn't have the insight to respond as an adult, and I shouldn't expect her. I need to realisticly look to the people in my life and treat them realistically.
Last night, on chance, we had a rather open discussion on communication. He ex would call him insensitive, but in reality, he was clueless about her expectations. He asked me to tell him when I need to talk and be honest about how I feel so he can gage his own actions. I, in turn, agreed. Maybe, just maybe, he is on to something. Must have read my mind.

No comments: