Monday, March 24, 2014

In a Rut

How do you climb out of a rut?  What is the first step?

I am 42.  Happy to be 42 because it sure does beat the alternative.  Happy actually in my life in general.  I have the normal concerns, but nothing that cannot be overcome.  We haven't had an easy few years, but we are okay, and isn't that the goal in life:  To let things explode and implode and still be okay.

I love my husband.  He loves me.

I love my kids.  They love me.

I have a good job.

So, what is the problem?  I'm dealing with a significant weight gain brought on by previous stress, real life situations, and frankly, age.  Also, I am trying to figure out if the weight gain is from the rut, or did the rut come first?  Chicken and egg, people!

Reasons why I am hitting the proverbial wall and ready to finally acknowledge said fat:

1.  I don't want new clothes.  I don't have the money for a new wardrobe.
2.  I am not ready for mom jeans.  I don't want to look like old ladies in elastic pants yet.  I still have time.
3.  I am still vibrant.  I am not old, so why should I live that way.
4.  I miss being healthy.
5.  I miss being cute.
6.  I want to be my best for my family.
7.  I am not ready to accept my rut.

This is not the first time I have written about wanting to change, but this is the first time I have faced the fat head-on.  I took a good hard look and I don't like what I see.  In the past, I have made excuses, and those can longer be part of my vernacular.  Fat is fat.  No use in saying anything else.  I am not curvacious.  I am not voluptuous.  I am fat.

This is no longer about me being cute.  I need to be able to walk without my joints hurting.  I need to live without being afraid.  Fat is a great shield for hiding and dodging life's real issues.

So, I declare, right from this minute on,  I will no longer:
1.  Give lip service to the universe.  Writing about good health is not the same as living good health.
2.  Think this is as good as it will get.
3.  Think that I don't deserve a bit more or that wanting more is shallow.

One more thing, my stomach size doesn't define me.  I am more than a number; however, if I don't get a grip on these numbers, I won't be able to live the life I want.

Today I make this decree:   I am beginning my climb. 



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