Spring? When Did You Get Here?

I have snowmen up in my house. I didn't even notice. I haven't been home much lately due to family illnesses, and I just turned a blind eye to my own surroundings. I don't have anything up with a bunny or egg. Well, to be honest, since we the snow slammed us constantly for so many months, I almost am afraid to put up anything up for the change of seasons. I don't want to jinx it. Oh, well. Maybe today is the day to recognize that changes must be made.

So tired...

1. Of my state messing with my health insurance. Come 2011, I may not be able to take my children to the doctor, and then I get an email from my state rep. saying sacrifices have to be made for the greater good. Yeah, and if you take away my co-pays as a state employee, I may be sacrificing my vote for you for the greater good.

2. Mistresses. It seems that mistresses are getting all the glory in the press, and our infatuation with these women is wrong. They are being rewarded for their behavior. The man is at fault. No denial there, BUT it takes two. The mistresses were full aware the men were married. No shock there, but they continued with the affairs for their own personal gain. Now, the media flocks to them. On a personal note, I am tired of seeing this at a local level as well. Just this week I saw a girlfriend rub her victory into the face of the wife in a humiliating online forum. Why? Where is there victory when children and family are involved involved? Karma, sweetie, karma.

3. of being overwhelmed. The spring has burst upon me, and I feel like Alice tumbling through the rabbit hole, except there is no Johnny Depp on the other side. Oh, well, that is life, and it happens. Everybody falls through the hole, it is how we handle Wonderland that makes the difference.

4. Bullies. I HATE bullies. My daughter dealt with one this week beautifully. The boy was spreading lies because she wouldn't "date" him. They are eleven. She went to the guidance office, asked for advice, and the guidance councilor handled it on a school level. Thing Two then handled it on a personal level, and hopefully, the situation is now a memory. I am proud how she stood up for herself and her friends, but it is a shame she had to do it at such a young age. I remember though. Kids are cruel. Then they sit across from you at a reunion planning committee meeting and act like your best friend. Once again, Karma.

5. of people who back up without looking. I know, sometimes it is hard to see in a parking lot, but this wasn't the case in my situation. Thank goodness I noticed the break lights going off and moved. Also, I live close to an intersection where "right on red" is allowed, but some believe I should stop at my green light to allow them their "right". No, babe, that isn't how it works. Sometimes I wish I had a monster truck...bahahahahaha.

Okay, the negative is being released. I am shaking it off and letting it go. My next post will be a lot more positive.

OMG

I was at a hospital today for over 12 hours as my grandmother had her heart cath. I was the only person in my family to be there, and this may very well be the defining moment of my adulthood. We did this alone and scared, but she and I did it. She is now home resting, and I am with you.

Now, this was not my OMG moment. Nope. OMG came this afternoon in the hospital waiting room. The room is plush with big, comfy couches and a flat screen television. There is even a patio 6 stories up that allowed me to enjoy some of the sun while Gran slept. After the 6 stories rush of wind hit, I went inside, plopped down on a sofa and began to watch CSI. I noticed a young man come in about 14. No big deal. I got the remote, turned the screen to March Madness and dozed a for a few before heading down the hall. I checked on Gran and then decided to go to the grill and pick up a milkshake for her. As I stepped on the elevator, I notice the boy walk by, and then, just as the doors began to close, a paper airplane crashed into the elevator. It was a note to the "Lady in Black". Oh, how sweet, right? NO. That kid has a dirty mind, but I guess he figured this was his chance with an older woman who appreciated college ball.

Needless to say, I said no.

So I Had a Bad Day

No biggie, but I am truly fighting the pity party. I feel drained. I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually spent. I am thankful for so many things, and due to this, I feel guilty for my party of one. I just think the stress of the past month is finally catching up with me. I have been the "Pollyanna". I am the upbeat, all will be well persona, and now that the sun is shining again, I feel like falling apart. I just want to hunker down and cry. I am almost creating situations so I can just wail one out. I am in a fighter's stance looking for a battle deep down I don't want to fight. I just want to wake up and feel secure that the day will bring something positive.

The second thing is that somebody who I had hoped would be more of an emotional support proved, once again, that I cannot depend on him. I have wonderful friends who have really provided the support I needed, but my female readers should understand the desire for more. This is a good thing though. I finally think I am emotionally ready for more. Okay, this has been said before, but I may mean it this time. I now understand what I do need in my life. I have trust issues. I often do not feel worthy of good things, and I know I allow this to affect my relationships. I pick those who will not ask for a long term commitment from me. Not good, but it did allow me to become comfortable in my singleness. I have also learned that being alone is better than being miserable. I did not settle for something I really didn't want. This eye opening lesson did bring something good. It led to a date. Yes, you read it here first; I had a date with a dear, sweet friend who I have crushed on for sixteen years. We do not live close to each other, but the planets aligned. Even though, that one date may be it, I was out there. I willingly spent time with an adult male who isn't a family member. As the old Christmas cartoon once sang, I put one foot in front of the other.

Just Another Day

I couldn't go to Lexington with my mother for her surgery because of my grandmother's illness. I also didn't want the kids to miss three days of school. However, with all of this going on, I am now officially in charge of three households. I am to get the mail, take care of the pets, and feed the birds. My mother's house cat eats better than most people I know. I have to admit, I am stressed. I figured this out when I found a peanut butter egg in my hand with no memory on how it got there. I am your classic stress eater, and I hope to get past it tonight with my first zumba class. Maybe if I move and groove I won't stand over the kitchen sink with some goody in my hand.

I also want to take a moment and thank many of you for your comments and emails. It has really helped me survive the past few weeks. I even had a coworker yesterday to listen to Thing Two's reading homework for me yesterday so I could finish up on paperwork. It was only fifteen minutes, but it lifted a bit of urgency from my evening. Thank you, G., for your strength, love, and especially your support. I want to thank my pal, C., for her magical ability to make me laugh when I want to cry. R., even though your life is upside now, you have been my rock. Thank you. In case P. ever finds this part of me, thanks for just knowing what to say. Makes up for the times when you didn't :)