Sunday, August 23, 2009
Please, Please Tell Me Now
Sometimes, like everybody else in this universe, I can be needy. Yes, we all can be needy now and then. Humans crave positive reinforcements. We want love and to feel needed. That is totally normal, and as I watch my grandmother ask how her meal tastes, I understand. Little affirmations can get us through the day, especially bad days. I know I needed all the get well wishes from yesterday, and they really did make me feel a bit better. The positive vibes gave me the ability to focus on the blessings of the day and not the fact I have the headache from Hades; yet, when can we take it too far and actually ostracize those who we need?
This topic came up in a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. She was a bit put out by a recent friend's behavior on Facebook. The friend, who IRL has always been looking for these affirmations, has taken it a step higher on the social network. Her self-depricating nature is now daily found on quizes and status updates. If it comes up that she is channeling Marilyn, then she says, "Of course, I can never be that sexy." No, you cannot. I cannot. Normal people cannot, but there are instantly comments assuring her that yes, she is every bit as sexy as Marilyn. So, now instead of just fishing for attention from her circle of friends, she is throwing her line longer and deeper. She is angling for that friend who hasn't seen her since 8th grade. She is baiting the co-worker who is really just being polite.
Am I judging? Actually, no. I understand. I have been there. I have felt unloved and discarded, and I looked for my missing self-esteem where I knew I could find it: my friends, family, and other self-loathing people who wanted me to know that they had it worse than me. I hate spider veins, I hate my body is battle scared, and I want to feel pretty now and then...okay, every single day of my life. Sometimes, occassionally, I just have to cast the line myself. Like Pavlov's dog, we hear the bell and we salivate, wanting more. I did it recently when I posted last month I was unsure about my new red hair. I didn't mean to cast my insecurities out there, but I did. Of course, I was just being honest, but I did it in a way that gave me the love I was needing that day. It was not a conscious effort, but I would be lying if I said I didn't like the attention.
Where do we draw the line then? When we cannot get through the day without a pat on our backs. When we no longer find love and satisfaction within ourselves. Forgive me for sounding like a self-help book and a cliche, but as women, we need to realize that perfection is an air brushed dream, and we can be perfect for ourselvs even with spider veins and battle scared bodies. We shouldn't have to look to others to find fullfilment because it isn't going to happen. We need to stand up and scream, "Hell, ya, I know I can rock it like Marilyn or Betty Paige or Audrey Hepburn or anybody else Facebook throws at me!" Then dare anybody to comment differently.
Oh, and please feel free to comment.